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If you can’t stand tights, congratulations – most fashion types agree.
Still, a very chilly winter awaits. Here’s how to go hosiery free this
winter in five easy steps, guaranteed to avoid hypothermia
Alexa Chung,
Jessie Ware, Harley Viera Newton, Daisy Lowe, Jamie Campbell Bower and
Sophie Turner attend the TopShop Unique show during London Fashion Week.Photograph: Karwai Tang/WireImag
Let’s be honest: everyone knows bare legs beat tights in
fashion land. They just look better. But, with the temps not being kind
to said legs, and a blue hue possible without some sort of hosiery, we
need to figure out how to get the fashion look without also getting
hypothermia. Here is a five-point guide.
1. Don’t overexpose
A short skirt and bare legs in December is madness. Avoid
this and go for a midi length. Exposing calves only is a trick that
fashion editors have long known. Handily, this length is in style this
season, with culottes and midi skirts both gaining the fashion thumbs up.
Suki Waterhouse in a seasonally appropriate midi skirt.Photograph: Richard Young/REX/Richard Young/REX
2. Wrap up up top
Bare legs are doable if the rest of you is toasty. Wear
with a chunky jumper, scarf and hat. Your outfit might look slightly
seasonally contradictory, but since fashion is increasingly avoiding the idea of seasons, you’ll be even more on-trend.
Socks and sandals at Prada.Photograph: Victor VIRGILE/Gamma-Rapho via Getty Images
3. Socks are your friend
Another fashion editor fave. Street style photographer catnip
often pair socks and sandals, or socks and ankle boots, for a sweetly
geeky look. Feel free to hack this idea. You can wear hiking socks (very
Prada) to ensure toasty toes and an alpha editor look. Pair with a midi
(see above).
4. Go for the sliver
Of course, you don’t have to bare that much leg. The sliver
is acceptable too. Skater shoes and slightly short ankle-length trousers
flash just enough flesh to get behind the trend, and also keep you from
catching your death on a train platform in January.
5. Up your taxi budget
Most celebrities and fashion types can do the bare leg thing
because, to be frank, they don’t actually have to spend much time
outside. Forget Christmas presents. Spend all your money on cabs and go
through a whole winter without donning a pair of tights. We dare you.
Tumultuous weather across eastern Australia and Christmas party season
are colliding. Here’s our guide to dressing to go out in weather that
makes you want to stay in
The complete Guardian guide for dressing in storm season. Photographs: Nick Evershed for the Guardian
Deciding what to wear to the office Christmas party is bad enough. But deciding what to wear in a storm is even more difficult.
Crazy weather across most of Australia during the Christmas
party season has given dressing for going out an extra layer of
complexity.
Stilettos sink in this week’s muddy lawns. Blow-dried hair
turns fly-away or fizzy. Dresses and suits get soaked and stay damp. Eye
makeup runs, turning carefully painted cat’s eye into goth tears.
Skirts fly over heads in gales.
A cursory flick through fashion magazines covers the latest
trends for Christmas parties: lace and leather, flapper dress,
embellished sequins, bronzer, tulle, cleavage sparkles. But in the past
few weeks we’ve been lashed by hail, dust storms, lightening strikes and
flash flooding – with more to come. It’s bad news for embellished
sequins.
Some retailers – such as Gorman, are trying to make practical items pretty. A polka dot raincoat over your party frock can keep it dry as you wait an hour for the cab to the party in horizontal “hard” rain.
Shoe stores are selling platform sneakers – which can give you the lift of a pair of heels but will protect against trench foot.
Want to stay dry and stylish for your Christmas party? Follow our guide for dressing for parties in storm season.
The man-wrap (ma-rap)
Men! This one is for you. Protect your party clothes from
storms by wrapping yourself in a protective sarong or wrap. Once at the
party, the sarong comes off to reveal … a dry suit!
The man wrap
Hat hair
Hats are in. Were they ever out? Protect your hair from
going crazy in the humidity by bolting it down under a massive hat.
Wide, with a sturdy brim or panama are all the rage this season. While
the weather may be wild, your hair will stay tame.
Stormwear … a hat, light parka, umbrella and boots
No eye makeup
Walking to the party in the rain? Lest you want BLACK TEARS
running down your cheeks, go with minimal eye makeup. Lipstick should be
applied at the party. Go bright red to distract from lack of eye
makeup.
Shorts instead of skirts in high wind, go easy on eye makeup
Boots on
Slipping on wet tiles, sliding in mud, getting your shoes
stuck in soil – the wrong footwear can ruin your night. Be sensible.
Wear boots. And when you can’t get a cab at the end of the night, you’ll
be in a good position to walk the two hours home.
This party season rock your sensible shoes
Poncho or parka
Waterproof your clothes by going old school with a bin liner
(with arm holes) or pull out your parka. Lightweight is good. Don’t
roast in an overcoat – save your sweat for the dancefloor.
This is Mark Darcy. He can pull this off. You cannot.Photograph: Miramax/Everett/Rex
I may be a nice Jewish girl, but I’m also a fashion industry vet
(and survivor) and thus I implore – I insist: The Era of the Ugly
Christmas Sweater has officially come to an end.
And, no, this is not just because it’s been surpassed this week by the advent of the Ugly Christmas Suit,
brought to you by the fine people at Shinesty.com. It is worth taking a
moment and asking yourself, as you look at the Ugly Christmas Suit: “Do
I feel like my hope for humanity has diminished?” If you answered yes,
then think carefully before you mail that invitation for your next
terrible Ugly Christmas Sweater party.
And, no, the end of the Ugly Christmas Sweater had not arrived just
because one of the largest corporate banks in the United States just
released something as maudlin and commercial (literally) as an “Ugly Christmas Sweater”-themed ad.
It is worth taking a moment and asking yourself, as you watch that Bank
of America video: “Do I really want to be the butt of an unfunny
half-joke forced upon me about cash-back savings by my bank?” If your
answer is no, then think carefully before you mail the invitation for
your next unfunny, un-fun Ugly Christmas Sweater party.
And, no, the Ugly Christmas Sweater meme hasn’t even unraveled because of the unfortunate, mum-made Ugly Christmas Jumper
that served as yet another roadblock in keeping our beloved Mark Darcy
and Bridget Jones from finding true love. (It is, however, worth taking a
moment to ask yourself if you would have to be out of your mind to
reject Colin Firth, no matter what he is wearing. The answer is yes –
always and irrevocably.)
Rather, it is time to put the Ugly Christmas Sweater in the very
back of your closet because the Ugly Christmas Sweater is a
not-so-subtle way to both mock the holiday of Christmas itself – and to
belittle those who wear such sweaters in earnest. Ironically wearing
your most ridiculous, bedazzled attire whilst swilling mulled cider and
overindulging in a cheese tray doesn’t exactly seem to be in the spirit
of celebrating the birth of Jesus, now does it? And transmogrifying the
celebration of a holiday at the epicenter of Christianity has the
mothballed stink of a perverse sort of class warfare – that is, the Ugly
Christmas Sweater party sends a message of: I have the wealth and
“taste” to wear this chunky patterned red sweater as a joke, whilst the
plebes, poor souls, wait all year to wear them with pride. If you are
looking for the true War on Christmas, you need look no further than any
piece of apparel with a light-up Rudolph nose worn by a liberal arts
major in a major metropolitan area.
This Christmas, please, let’s all just say no to irony. Donate your fucking sweater instead.
Your desire to celebrate the season sartorially, however, needn’t be
limited to the somber garb preferred by monks and priests. Why not take
the upcoming barrage of holiday parties to invest in a Fair Isle sweater (if your torso is feeling naked after packing your Ugly Christmas ones away) or a tartan cape, pant or even ball skirt (if you’re ready to take your serious seasonal dressing to the next level).
The Ugly Christmas Sweater, besides existing as an unfair assault on
every innocent eyeball around you, seems one step away from taking the
Lord’s name in vain (for those believers amongst you) and – perhaps even
worse – has jumped the shark even more literally than the Fonz once
did. This season, we can and should instead celebrate by trying
something novel and actually looking our best, and – more importantly –
acting our best. Let’s appreciate the Ugly Christmas Sweater for the
lava lamp-like fad that it was – a strange, terrible moment in the
history of mass cultural, decorative appeal.
Ugly Christmas Sweaters had their moment; but you are not Mark Darcy and you never will be.
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